Thursday, January 01, 2015

Old Jokes Home

I popped into Tesco today and nicked all the baguettes.

It was a French stick-up.


I went out with a cardboard cut-out once. She dumped me though, because I stood her up.


Q/ Why is Peter Pan always flying?

A/ Because he neverlands.


f(x)=2x+1 walks into a bar. The barman says

“I’m sorry, we don’t cater for functions.”


I bought some lovely German Christmas cake yesterday, but it was stollen this morning.


An E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walk into a bar. The bartender says

“Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”


Q/ Who lives at number 664?

A/ The neighbour of the beast.


Q/ What was Whitney Houston’s favourite kind of co-ordination?

A/ Haaaannnnd eeeyyyeeee…


Q: What is Dean Martin’s favourite eel?

A: That’s a moray.


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